Make Today Count

When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry
And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye 

~Train

There are a lot of stories here wrapped up in the past 4 months. The main story isn't about me, a woman who is in treatment for cancer.  I think that story is more like a funnel, and it's job was to aim, other, more important stories at me and out of me, and at and out of you, through us....all connected by some electrical currents that share and feed our energies.  We are all vessels to some sort of lesson or message, and perhaps cancer was a way for me to hone in on something much bigger than me.  One of those funneled stories, has been about the life and legacy of Tara Boland.  I am someone who was touched by her, only because I too ended up with the same kind of cancer she had.  Someone told someone about me, who told someone else, who got in touch with TaTa Sisterhood (that Tara had been the force of) and here we are.  

So you see, there are a lot of stories here, the least of which is me.  I feel especially touched by Tara and I wanted to share the above video in remembrance of a life well lived and still living on...in her family, her friends, now in me a stranger.  Something that touches your heart and life so deeply, even if you have never met that person, can never truly die.  It lives in every breath and intention.  When I learned about her and saw how she lived everyday to make it count, it spoke to my own journey, it was inspiring.  I too wanted this time to be about life as usual for my family, and not change into something else that we looked back on as that awful time mommy had cancer.  I wanted it to be fun, and happy and filled with gratitude for everything we DO have.  That my friends, is a very long list.  A list I can only explain by sharing all of the stories.  So the blogs to come will be my stories, OUR stories.  I will do my best to honor the ones in my heart, but I invite you to share your story with me here so I can post it.  Let's continue connecting on a higher level.  I've seen the difference in being connected.  Keeping things in, being closed minded, continuing on in life THE SAME and never being challenged to grow, that is not what life is about.  That is small and lonely and sad......so open up, and share, connect, love, honor!  I think it's easy to have compassion for someone with cancer, it's a sickness we can't help.  But what about (sorry Bruce Jenner interview  heavy on my mind) the transgender community?  Take this lesson and let it carry over in everything you do.  Let your heart open and free you from the walls of discrimination, isolation, whatever your misconstrued perceptions are.  All it takes is a little bit of stretching your heart and mind, staying open and lots of love!

In Tara's Memory, MAKE TODAY COUNT!!

bring on your wrecking ball

Hard times come, hard times go

Yeah just to come again

Bring on your wrecking ball

hi friends, I'm so sorry I've been so disconnected lately.  This is going to be a quick little post before a bigger post.  The above video is Matt's theme song for me during this time and it has been something that continues to inspire and empower me as I get through. Thinking of him thinking of me in this way gives me strength.  (might want to fast forward to 1:40 b/c Jersey loves Bruce and it takes a while to get past all that applause ;o)
Just wanted to share...

I feel like so much time went by that I can't possibly bring you up to speed adequately. Had chemo 2 on March 13 and thought I could spontaneously crash Matt's business trip to NYC without complications March 23-26....boy was I wrong.  Got very ill and ended up in hospital upon my return.  Blood showed an interminable infection of some sort and took a week to recover.   While THAT was beyond horrible, Round 3 chemo April 3 and the weeks to follow showed pretty smooth sailing.  Aside from minor issues and being tired, my team had decided that bringing me in the week after chemo for some 2 hour cocktail i.v.'s would be beneficial (Mon Weds and Fri following chemo) and they were right.  I am now, as most know off of my final round of chemo and have had one post treatment (yesterday) and will do Weds/Fri this week.  So far so good.

So lessons learned in some of this time?  
Cautionary tail about the dangers of traveling with a compromised immune system. Wear a face mask.
Time flies except when it doesnt. I feel like the bad days go at a snail's pace and then I look back and say I'm done w/ round 4 already? woah. just woah. 
Everywhere you go there you are. I get super bad roid rage on chemo and I can't quite seem to get away from myself. Big bummer to be such a big bitch. Not fun. 
Dance like no one is watching. I went to a zumba party in memory of Tara Boland & the TaTa Sisterhood Foundation on April 10th. Tara was super inspirational for the wonderful way she lived her life.  She has left such a legacy through the TaTa Sisterhood and her beautiful family....I'm not a dancer but I feel a special connection to her so I went.  I zumba'd even though I have no rhythm and no coordination, and then an amazing thing happened....my face hurt from smiling so much. Such a beautiful and blessed event.  Here's a little clip and a pic from that night:

More to come....