The wound is the place where the Light enters you. ― Rumi

My dear friend Marcella sent me the above quote yesterday.  I believe in this wholeheartedly.  I always have, but now more so than ever.  This cancer is taking me on a journey in so many different ways - physical, emotional, psychological.  I have seen such goodness and kindness and compassion in people I know and strangers alike.  It would be hard for me to deny the light that has seeped in through my wounds and lit up my soul.  Thank you lovely people for all of the light!

I made it through the first step - surgery!  The first 24 hours after were the least fun, but I got through it, and each day the pain lessens some.  In fact, today, exactly one week later, I was able to get one of my 4 tubes/drains removed.  I was so excited to have another step down!  This past week has been a series of baby steps.  Getting out of bed, doing my arm exercises, stripping my tubes, emptying drains, eating enough, drinking plenty of fluids, using my incentive spirometer and getting the numbers higher and higher each day,  Lots of little goals conquered and replaced with new goals.

Each movement, from one day to the next, is like a victorious battle over this war that I was forced to fight.  I'm not unlike anyone else - I'm no hero, I'm not braver, I'm not stronger, nor am I particularly inspiring.  I was given cancer and I have to get rid of it, simple as that.  Truly, think about it - what would you do if you got cancer?  Lie down and die?  Of course not.  You've got to hunker down, and put on your game face.  You're going to take control of  the steering wheel and enlist, because if not you're still getting drafted.  You may even head to the hair salon and shave the side of your head and get a blue stripe.  Whatever works, whatever gets you in game mode.

I don't want to downplay the importance of attitude.  It's EVERYTHING.  But my attitude is not something that just happened because I'm such a positive person by nature.  I tend to be a bit of a high/low kind of person.  I let myself go to dark places but then my highs are really high.  That said, I purposely surround myself with people who knowingly or not, get me out of the darkness.  Henceforth (whaaat?) I cannot take credit for the influence that family, friends and community whose gestures have all been so uplifting.  My support system is so vast and so fortifying - how can I let myself go to the darkness when all you little sun rays keep shining on me? 

As you may know, I received the great news that I am Stage 1, meaning that there was no cancer found in my lymph nodes.  YAY!  Because my cancer is triple negative, I still need chemo and because they didn't get clear margins (cancer found) I may need radiation.  Not so happy about that, but obviously I gotta do what I gotta do.  I do it all in the name of BOOBIES.  As in new ones.  As in bigger.  As in HELLZ YEAH.

Thanks for all the light.  I am getting better and stronger each day because I feel the constant warmth!

xoxo, B